I have no idea how I got here. I spent so much time dating and being single and going through boyfriends and now here I am -- in my late 30's, married and with a baby on the way. Sometimes it doesn't feel real, like I'm playing house. Last night my husband and I ordered nursery furniture from Pottery Barn. We made a list of things we still need to get from Amazon and discussed the credit cards with the best points to put it on for travel miles and cash back bonuses. We have 401k's and a savings account and talk about stock investments. You'd think, at almost 40, I would feel like a responsible adult and this would all feel normal right now. It does not. Any moment I wonder when I'm going to wake up. There were times I thought maybe I'll never get married. I wondered if I'd be able to have children -- or get the chance to even try. This baby, so far, seems so healthy and so far I've felt healthy throughout the pregnancy. I'm blessed with go
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It's also interesting to note about how so many people are doing the 30 or 50 dates thing. The rationale seems to be that going on as many dates as possible will result in a possible companion. When I was active in the Church and dating, it was interesting to see how many girls that I went on dates with had a "celestial checklist" and how if someone didn't match one little criteria, it was an automatic deal breaker.
I always felt out of place in our little ward in the Avenues. It's strange, because when I am at work or school, I've never had a hard time gelling with other members. Coming to a new place and trying to meet new members was very difficult when I started going to our ward. People would invite me to events and then treat me strangely when I arrived.
I hope that you find happiness and friendship in your life. You deserve it. You are bright and have a successful life and career ahead of you. Like you said, however, I am moving on. I have moved on from the Church. I have found a lot of people in my life who are accepting of me and who won't judge me because I'm not like them. They will be friends with me for who I am, and they won't make me feel like I've offended them in any way shape or form by just existing.