Thursday, June 29, 2017

Get married

I mean, to the right person, of course.

I realize it's been awhile, so allow me to catch you up. That boy I mention in the post below? He's now my husband. Yep. WE GOT MARRIED! And I still love him 10 months in and consider him my favorite person in the world. I know this is not something everyone gets in life (read this post I wrote as a single person to see how far I've come here). But I'm very happy I did, in the end, find this wonderful man. He just gets me AND is many, many things I wanted in a person to go through life with. It took me a while but so glad we found each other.

So what have we been up to in married life? Moving in together (conscious coupling?) was a feat. Mostly it was me telling him to throw a lot of his "decorations" he "found on the street" out...and then convincing him it was a good thing to buy new stuff. In the end, it was a compromise but I like the way our apartment turned out. We've also been on numerous adventures since my last post (too many to mention) and are about to go hiking in Canada for the 4th of July (the rates were good and, hey, why not?).

It's so wild to think it's almost been a year since we tied the knot last August (first in Salt Lake City and then the next day in a separate ceremony in San Francisco). Looking back we were insane to think back-to-back ceremonies were a good idea, but we were very lucky to have a lot of help and the cooperation of good weather both days.

I also inherited his very fun family, always down for a dance party and a photo op. I think I love him even more, now.

Don't barf. Just let it sink in that love is real. It really, really happened for me. But I went through a couple of guys who weren't right to appreciate the great guy I have now. In short, I held out for the best.

And now I am one of those annoying people who loves telling single people to get married and hearing about their dating disaster stories, reveling in the fact that I do not have to go through any of that anymore :)

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Girl Meets Boy

I met a boy. This boy.
And I never knew I could feel this in love with anyone until I met him.

He's my favorite person.
And he's pretty cute, too.

Sunday, December 22, 2013

Science and The End - What our internal feelings have to do with aging

I think I'm going to live a long life. No one really knows, of course, but I just feel it. Like, I'm pretty sure, maybe 80% sure. Another friend said she thought she'd die in her 40's and that there would be foul play involved. She says lots of strange things but maybe it's just a thing she "knows" as well.

Who knows. Anyway, nerd fact - I'm naturally attracted to research on aging and life extension. I read the Methuselah Factor as a young teen, subscribed to a newsletter and magazine back in the 90's devoted to life extension and my ears perked when Google announced the Calico project (the idea is to basically end death) and am interested in the research from the long-haired, British hippie scientist, Aubrey de Grey.

We may just be on the brink of ending aging, death, disease for those of us lucky enough to be near the science behind it. But what does this mean for us as a human species and our purpose here on Earth? I believe there is a life beyond this one and that we are on this planet to fulfill certain things to help ourselves grow and develop as spiritual beings. But that's me and my religious beliefs. That wouldn't help you.

What does this mean for the planet and for our purpose while we are on it? Will we, as human beings ever unlock the key of death and free ourselves from the rotting grave? Most scientists will tell you we are a long ways off from that, despite Google's ambitions. 

One thing I do know, we are here for a reason. Each of us has a purpose on Earth. Extending life just a little bit more can help us achieve what we were put on this planet for. I don't know about you, but I'd like just a little more time.

Monday, October 28, 2013

Peace is not a lot to ask for

Words from Neil Young tonight. 
This was an epic, bucket list fulfilling night for me. I witnessed something I never thought I would in my life - a rare gathering of CSNY. It was beautiful. Magical. It was for Young's annual Bridge Schoool Benefit Concert. I am so so so absolutely, blissfully happy at this moment as we sit silent, driving down the 101 and back to SF, contemplating the specialness of our evening. 

Sunday, September 29, 2013

For the Crazy Ones

Why do I even let myself care? Because...and I'll tell you why...I truly, truly want to believe!

It's true. I do. I want the love story. The pathetic hearts and flowers together forever and we build a life together amazingness that has seemed to elude me. I want to believe that there is a man out there that I am attracted to that is fun and awesome and loves me back in a way that actually is love. Love. Like he doesn't lie to me or is not one way in front of some people and another way in front of other people. Love. Like he treats me the way every single nice girl on the planet deserves to be treated and he doesn't have some weird, sick, secret perversion. Love. Real love. Not where he thinks he owns me or tries to control me or tell me what to do all the time. Love, actual love. Love like best friends with life-long benefits kind of love and we are equal and we give to each other simply because we love each other kind of love. Love that means something and makes me want to be better because of how I feel when I'm with him...and he wants to be with me just as much kind of love. It exists, I know it! It has to. All this other crap, it's not worth it. It's stupid and it hurts too much and it sucks. I've been in too many crappy relationships and it's way too damn hard to go through one more. Not one more. I'm not doing it. I'm just not. Really. It's enough to make me want to just give up and just not think about love at all. Yet, I still also want to believe. Crazy. Crazy love. I believe in it. I believe I deserve it. To be loved like that and give love like that. And that exists. It has to. It has to for me, for everyone who believes in it.

So here's to those who think like me. Who believe real love exists, that they deserve it and don't want any substitutes for it. You crazy ones, enough to believe we don't have to be stuck with anything less. It hurts to walk away from the less. Every damn time it really does. But it's less than love and that is not enough. And it makes it okay for me to sit here in sweats on a Saturday night, alone.

Monday, March 18, 2013

Southby SARS and other awesome adventures...

So I'm back from Southby with what appears to be SARS

But I digress...
Southby was a boon and glad I went, despite getting sick.

In the meantime I leave you with the worst picture ever of me and was taken backstage...and unfortunately (for me) looks more like he is leading a blind child.

Here's a MUCH better picture of me and Jeremy Blum, the MIT student responsible for the creation of all things electronic at MakerBot (including the 3D printer).

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

I had a dream and Steve Wozniak was in it

He told me to call this guy up and demand a job and a 100k salary...or whatever salary I wanted. We were inventing stuff. True to life? Well...lemme test and get back to you :)

Friday, April 06, 2012

So it turns out I can relate to the Mormon gays

It's been a while since my last post but I just had to share this video from BYU's "It Gets Better" edition. There are things on here I never really thought about and that really touched me as I watched it. If you haven't seen it I encourage you to now:

In some ways I can relate. When I left the church after going through the temple I really did not want to tell my parents. I felt this heavy burden of keeping it from them so I wouldn't upset them or make them sad. How could I confess that I did not want to be a part of the church because of my questions about changes in doctrine, the sanitization and PR changes to church history, obvious historical faux pas (blacks and the priesthood, trading polygamy for statehood, women no longer able to heal the sick or perform laying on of hands) the confusing modern messages to both men and women that don't fit with modern times.

And now here is this video and this amazing openness and the safety in which gay BYU students feel comfortable confessing their same sex attraction. I didn't realize what gay Mormons must go through when all the other kids like the opposite gender and they like the same. I just didn't think about it until now. The part where the kid prays and tells God he's gay and asks if that is okay and then God makes him feel accepted for just the way he is as a gay man is something to think about. In a church that teaches that marriage is only between a man and a woman and where the family unit is sacred and gayness is not do you reconcile that if you both believe the doctrine AND find yourself to be gay AND find that God accepts that part of you? How can the church be true if God is okay with them living the gay lifestyle? How can one have such strong experiences within a church that teaches being gay (acting on being gay) is unacceptable and then have God tell them that they are acceptable? And don't feed me that bullshit about being gay but just not acting on it. That kid in the video got a confirmation from God that his lifestyle is okay, that everything about him is okay.

I have had some very strong experiences in the LDS church. Sacred experiences. These experiences used to make me believe it, all of it. How could I not? But there's so much to question. So many holes. I don't have an answer to any of it. I don't know where I stand or if I'm going to heaven. I just try to be a good person and hope God is okay with me, too.

Sunday, January 08, 2012

Click "Like" If You Still Read This

Okay, you can't actually click "Like" here. But I am wondering about the relevance of blogging vs the now hipper micro blogging like Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest. Does anyone ever actually read this blog anymore?

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

My Book of Influence 2011

There are a lot of books good for reading out in the world, but just a few have had an impact on me this year.

The one I would highly recommend to anyone (and one which could actually change the world for the better) is The Gentle Art of Blessing.

My paper copy is currently tucked away in a cold, dark storage unit in Salt Lake but man was it profound. I laughed, cried and healed through this book. It was written by a Swiss school administrator, Pierre Pradervand. He'd suffered a blow and was very bitter about his life circumstances, concentrating on hating those he felt had done him so much wrong when it clicked. Bless them that hate you and spitefully use you, and bless them that need you and bless those in trouble and those in need, in health and wealth and peace. Bless the world. Go about blessing and it is magical the things that will happen. It's a beautiful book and the one I recommend out of this year.

Thursday, December 08, 2011

Must I Don a Burka? - My Letter to Joanna Brooks

Miss Ask a Mormon Girl Joanna Brooks posted her thoughts yesterday on the BYU-Idaho skinny jeans controversy. She asked if this was "Sexism, sizeism or standards"? For those not in the loop, the BYU Testing Center is notorious for being more puritanical than temple standards. This latest gaffe started when a "curvier" girl walked in wearing skinny jeans. She was told to go home and change because her outfit was too tight. This reminded me of my own, personal encounter with BYU leadership and dress standards. So I messaged Brooks my experience. Here is the letter:

Hi Joanna,

Thank you for posting about this issue with BYU. I subscribe to your Facebook updates and wanted to message you privately. I used to work for BYU. I worked at Classical 89 as the morning newscaster there for a year. I left shortly after being told I was dressed too provocatively and a man I worked with had complained it was giving him impure thoughts. I cried. The HR gal told me she didn't even want to bring it up with me but she was being forced to by the "men" above her. The thing is I'm busty. I cover up but I'm busty. I was wearing garment covering clothing. I wore garments at the time. I was told it was my problem. [Must I don a burka?]

When I asked who this person was that had complained and was having "thoughts" I was told they weren't allowed to tell me. Talk about creating a hostile work environment.
So I left. I thought of suing. I thought of going to the papers. But at the time I was a faithful member and didn't want to cause problems for the church's image. I didn't want to stand out and risk being labeled something or further harassed.


The problem is really a systemic belief hat men are not in charge of their own behavior. It's appalling and insulting (to both men and women). And places women in a humiliating position where they have to apologize for having a body. I was young and vulnerable (26 at the time) and felt the hostility in the position I was in. I knew if I complained my career would be over, I would bring bad press to an organization I believed in and I was not in a winning position.

No woman (or man), curvy or not should be subject to that sort of hostility in the workplace or otherwise simply for the way they look.

We live in a place and time where women are afforded a great many more opportunities than they used to have. We can work side by side with men and hold leadership positions, even be CEO and have people take us seriously. It is time we ask men with weak and wandering minds to take their heads out of the gutter and not discriminate against women for existing. This skinny jeans incident is just another lamentable example of the "Church" asking women to feel bad about themselves.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Running makes you fat

I haven't been running in...six weeks. So I finally went two mornings ago. Two miles later... Just two. And three days later...Still sore. Craaaaaaaap! Can't believe I'm already THAT outta shape! Also, I was waaaaay hungrier that day. It doesn't help that work provides really good snacks. Fattening foods. Trail mix. Cliff bars. Cheetos. Doritos. Protein bars (hint, those are actually NOT healthy, high in calories and full of sugar, too). They also provide fresh fruit but all that's left when I tend to wander in are pomegranates...but how the hell does one open those up without a knife? Or eat them at work without making a mess? Anyway I ate twice as many calories on Monday (morning I went running). More than the amount of calories burned, of that I'm sure. So while it felt good to hit the road again I question how this helps my waistline. Did I mention I've gained 8 lbs since living here? Help!

Friday, November 04, 2011

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Proof PC

Remember how I said my grandfather had a big something to do with the invention of the personal computer and IBM took it from him and didn't pay him or recognize him for it? All I had was word of mouth from other family members. And sure, my grandfather was a terrible man with a terrible secret (and it wasn't that one of his names was Amber). But he was also extremely gifted. Extremely intelligent. He still deserves that recognition for his contribution. Well, I found a source outside of family in Rulon T. Burton's biography where he mentions my grandfather explaining his invention to him back in 1948.

Here's the reference

It seems strange for me to do this. He was not a good man. He convinced lots of people he was good. He was not. And yet I feel he still deserves vindication, even beyond the grave.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

More, please

So I finally got around to visiting The Pirate Store at 826 Valencia, but it was closed.

Saturday, October 08, 2011

Turns out there are a few demands the 99% actually DO have

If you actually talk to those protesters involved in the Occupy movement you will start to hear a few common threads.
According to the posts both on Good and the official Tumblr blog for Occupy Wallstreet they are:
1. Affordable healthcare. It's time the American people get a healthcare plan that does not favor corporate insurance agencies and big business over the people.
2. More jobs. The Joblessness issue needs to have an end. The people are willing to work. They need jobs.
3. Home stability. Many of the posts dealt with affordable housing and the growing homelessness rate.
4. Affordable education. The second highest loan debt in the nation is education debt. WTF?
5. Credit card debt relief. Banks were bailed, automobile manufacturers were bailed...the people were not bailed. The people are pretty mad about that.
Some argue these people involved are going about it all the wrong way by simply showing up and protesting. They say they need to work within the system to see the change. The problem is the system is a problem.
The system is fed, clothed and changed by a corporate agenda and lobbyists. Lots of lobbyists.
I am glad people are starting to get more active and vocal about it. I have no idea if that is doing anything. But, perhaps, if enough of the people band together and decide not to take it anymore, the change will finally come.

Monday, September 19, 2011

SF = Superyum

So the food here is REALLY good. Really, really. I never understood why people who'd lived in New York or San Francisco were such food snobs. Or those who complained about the restaurants in Salt Lake. Tasted fine to me..But I've bit the apple and now fully understand there's a big difference.

So far I've enjoyed everything from the most amazing Mexican to a restaurant that specializes in gourmet carnival food. Carnival food! A deep fried hamburger made with a donut instead of a bun, mini corndogs with fancy dipping sauces, chicken and waffles...oh and there's this ice cream place here that makes their stuff on the spot using liquid nitrogen. It makes the crystals tinier, smoother and the ice cream way better. Somehow. Magic?

But with all this eating...the scale has been going back the other way! Bahhhhhh! And yet somehow I think it's possibly worth it. My taste buds argue in favor of all this.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Fat pants

I now officially fit into my skinny jeans. Actually, there's a little room in my skinny jeans. I am blown away. I didn't think I looked different. I didn't feel THAT different. But now both the scale and the skinny jeans confirm it. My body comp is different. I look different. I've actually lost weight.

I haven't been this thin since I was vegan in college over 10 years ago.

I weighed myself this morning at 125 lbs. I couldn't believe it so I checked my roommates scale. Hers said 124.5 lbs. I know!

I still have a little fat around the belly to lose...also, oddly, my boobs have not lost much volume. What's up with that? (don't hate me).

But there's a bit more to lose if I want to look good in a bikini... I'm 5'4" with a small frame so I think 115 lbs is a pretty good goal. I asked some of my thin friends with a similar build to mine what they weighed. Two I asked said 105. One, who is much thinner, said 107 but I think she might have been embarrassed that she was so thin? I'm not sure. I think 115 is a pretty perfect goal. I still want some curves. And I'm almost there. Yay!

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Be here now

I arrived, safe and sound at about 9:30 last night. It was a long (14 hours because of the heavy trailer full of furniture I was trucking with me) and thankfully uneventful journey. Podcasts such as Wiretap (if you've never listened you should, you will laugh out loud and not be ashamed), TWIM (This Week in Mormons. A shout out to you my Geoffrey), The Moth, The Young Turks and also a compilation from my meditation guide, Clinton, of The Grateful Dead got me through it.

By the way, Clinton really is onto something about the Dead and meditation.

Just glad to be here, alive, all in one piece. Now the moving in begins.

P.S. My room is much smaller than I thought it that's gonna be a fun challenge today.

Monday, September 05, 2011

Also, photos!

One of the cute little girls in my neighborhood wants to be a photographer. So she asked if she could take some pics of me. Hell yes! Here they are:

Ya, so I kissed a tree :p

Bay Area Rapid Transit in 4, 3, 2...

So basically I have four days to go before the "big move" to SF. Apparently you don't call it San Fran or Frisco. Just SF or San Francisco. Oh well, I'm sure I'll say Frisco and someone will be bothered and possibly correct me several times.

I have to admit. I am a bit anxious. I'm going there without a solid job. You know it bugs me that people keep asking if I'm going for a job. As if that city isn't just a cool place to go and live and then find a job while there. It shouldn't bug me but I let it. I start to take it as they think I'm just some free wheeler that has no idea what I'm doing. Even after 5 months of research and three visits to the area. So it bugs me.

So, where will I live when I get there? Believe me, it was a tough search from a remote distance. San Francisco has something weirdly competitive going on with the housing situation I don't fully understand. But, luckily, I scored a room a block away from Haight-Ashbury. Historically, it's the neighborhood where Bob Dylan and the Grateful Dead were (musically) born and the merry pranksters mingled with war protestors.

Both my roommates have been to Burning Man so I'll have to ask them about all that.  One's an artist. The house has an old dog. It also has a washer and dryer, which is hard to come by in the city. There is also no parking so I may have to "rent" a parking spot in a garage a few blocks away. But it is right across from the local Whole Foods.

Wish me lots of luck!

Friday, August 26, 2011

One really good thing that happened this summer

I lost weight. I have now lost a total of 12.5 pounds, bringing me down to 127.5 :)

I didn't do it through a diet fad or a trainer or anything. I did it by eating fewer calories and walking everywhere. The moving all my stuff part helped as well...and sweating a lot in the place I'm staying (there's no air conditioning) so I guess I'm also drinking a lot more water. Really, it is something I've wanted to do for a while and I'm finally dropping the weight by the simplist means of eating less and exercising more.

The only thing is I don't feel that different. I can see it in my face but I think I look pretty much the same, just healthier.

I'm 5'4" so I could stand to lose a little bit more but 127.5 isn't bad.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

The bad, lewd tenant

So the people I rented my house to have apparently rented to other family members. But they smoke (in the house) when they said they didn't at all and the husband...was apparently hauled off to jail last week for not paying a speeding ticket. This is my hard lesson learned in not doing proper background checks and vetting people. And it sucks.

Okay then...plan B.

I don't have a plan B.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Cropping up

I'm reading Michael Shermer's book "The Believing Brain" right now. It's all about why we believe the things we do about everything from ghosts to God to politics even. He's a total cynic (he does put out Skeptic magazine, afterall). It's made me question my own experiences. I wonder if I've hallucinated. I've seen some really weird stuff. Stuff other people don't see. I mean it. I could tell you, but it might confirm I'm crazy. Maybe I'll tell you someday.

However, there are many stories out there of actual encounters with God. In the Bible, Moses saw God face to face. I was raised in a faith that purportedly started with not just a vision, but an actual visitation. God spoke to the founding prophet Joseph Smith at 14. But something I've realized is that not just prophets see God. People, ordinary people, have seen the Almighty, have had encounters with Jesus and the prophets and angels and all sorts of things they swear really happened. And some of these reports conflict.

Billions of people see God in many, many, many divergent ways. Why???

No really, think about it? Why are there so many different versions of God? And why has this God somehow formed from gods to God, from violent and exacting to loving and forgiving? To okaying the destruction of neighboring tribes and peoples (genocide) to becoming the God of the whole Universe and of love? Is it all the same God?

Shermer believes that through evolution we are hard-wired to believe in something higher than ourselves. It formed bonds and helped us make sense of our surroundings, find meaning in patterns and gave us a set of rules to help us survive and now we are programmed to believe in something more.

So I went round and round on that.  It seemed so meaningless. But I do believe there is a God. I just don't know that what I thought I knew was really who God is. And so here I am, hoping to observe how God operates.

Who is God is not a question easily answered. Religions try but really that's just one fraction, one idea from whoever put it together and based it on previous notions about God.

One of Smith's wives, Eliza R. Snow, was a poetess who attempted to address the Mormon version of God:

In the heavens are parents single? No, the thought makes reason stare!
Truth is reason, truth eternal Tells me I've a mother there.

Sikhs believe the whole Universe and everything in it is God. You are God, I am God, all the stars, all the air we breath, all the heavens and even the tiniest molecules and the stuff that makes up stardust, all God. This is God. We are a part of a whole. We are gods as a part of God. A collective consciousness.

It's a beautiful idea.

I don't know. And now I'm willing to take away all the preconceptions I've had and listen.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Strange things are happening. I don't mean UFO strange. I mean Universe shifting strange...but for the better in my life. It's really kind of unbelievable, actually. Stay tuned.

Monday, August 15, 2011

Strange object in the sky

So I saw a UFO.

I mean like I actually saw some unidentified flying object in the sky and I can't explain it. Let me first say I don't know what I think about alien life. I think it's highly likely we are not the only life forms in the whole entire universe, mathematically. But I am not sure if anything else has tried to make contact or visit this planet.

Then last night happened. I was sitting on the patio of a friend's house with a bunch of guys I know who just happen to be really into conspiracy theories. Mostly I just listen, thinking to myself it is baloney and they are just working themselves into an illogical frenzy, seeing things they want to see and gathering sketch evidence to support their beliefs. Then we saw it.

Overhead was the strangest bright object in the sky. It didn't move like an airplane. It kind of jutted, with this swinging motion as it flew. It was not an airplane or a jet or anything I'd ever seen. But it was so bright I couldn't make out the shape of it. One of the guys then said "Holy shit, it's a UFO".

So we watched it for some time just fly off into the distance. And then, maybe 20 minutes later, my friend's roommate gets home and says, "Did you guys see that UFO fly over Salt Lake just a few minutes ago?" He'd seen it too. Five people had seen it.

I don't know what that was. Military something? An actual alien aircraft? I have no idea. All I know is what I saw and that it did not move like a plane. It darted quickly in a jittery fashion. I wish I'd captured it on my phone but I was too in awe of what I was witnessing.

In other news:
Paul Krugman believes a fake alien invasion would help us out of this economic slump...

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Good for 33

I'd like to just look good. Not for 33. Just look good. Also, I guess I'm just kinda dating whoever and not really sure what I want in this limbo...btw I've been in this limbo for a good six months now. 33 is not the time to be in limbo, biologically. Yet here I am...

Some other things happening:

I'm having, it seems, an early mid-life crisis. I'll be honest...I have no idea what I'm doing right now.

I rented out my house this last week, moved in with the mom and an RV (they are staying in Salt Lake for the summer in their RV). Then we had this huge fight and aren't talking (it was over my lifestyle choices - my parents wanted me to stay in SLC for Costco for some reason but I'm still moving out of this state because what???) My parents live in constant fear of things I can't explain and it gets in the way of living...which, as an adult I don't put up with anymore. So now, since I've already rented out the house I own, I'm staying on the couch at a friend's house. ...and SF hasn't worked the way I was hoping (thought I was going to have a job but I don't now) and that means I'm stuck in Salt Lake basically unemployed, not talking to my parents and living on someone's couch. My life appears to suck. You know what though? I have to laugh (maybe so I don't cry?)

I mean it's always darkest before the dawn, right? Right? And I want to believe this but...what if there's no reason and things just happen? And here I am, trying to find meaning where there is none, with no direction and just living on a couch? I keep waiting for something to hit me.

I am also into wearing this headband I found, apparently.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Emotionally moving

I don't know what it is but I've dropped a little weight lately. About 6 lbs according to the scale. And I've been emotionally releasing as I do it. My emotions have been high during the move. Things seem to be happening fast there. I had renters within 15 minutes of listing my property and about 30 calls about the place that same day. The storage facility I found was a God-send, too. I just stuck to my price and somehow talked the owner down to dirt cheap...and then he gave me an even bigger unit.

The other amazing thing is that the new renter's brother owns a moving company so they're helping me move all the heavy stuff. Big Tongan guys.

I'm emotional from moving and possibly losing weight. Letting go really is good. It's hard. It's hard to decide what you really need and what you really could do without. And knowing you'll be living out of a suitcase for a while.

I'll be 33 on August 8th. I'll be all packed up and moved out just days before that. And what a relief to know I won't have to worry about the mortgage at least.

I don't know what the future holds. Something's just around the corner. Good I hope. Letting go is truly good to do every once in a while.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Letting go is good

This was taped on a coffee table in this grungy co-op I stayed at in Austin this last March while at SXSW. It was basically a giant treehouse. That mantra has been going through my head while packing up my stuff this week.

Good news, I have renters now. Almost. Delivered the lease today. I put the ad up yesterday and within 5 minutes had a phone call from an ecstatic young, newly married girl. Her husband loves gardening and chickens and she liked the idea of all the storage space in my house. She came over 15 minutes after with her brother, a very tall Tongon boy rocking a pink mohawk (her sister lives in the neighborhood). And then she cut me a check for the deposit and that was that.

I got a storage unit on Monday and have been packing and hauling ever since. I have way too much stuff. So I've been giving some of it away (mostly to the kids in my neighborhood about to go off to college and a lot to Deseret Industries, which is kinda like Goodwill here).

I'm driving to San Francisco this next Monday for about a week, tentively...and then back to pack and move the rest. I'm out on the 5th. My birthday is the 8th.

If I had one birthday wish it would be for a great job that pays well in a cool city that has people I know in it. That's all.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

The wonders of new stuff

My phone died. So even though I'm poor right now I had to get a new phone. And it turned out when I went in that I was way overdue for an upgrade. Yay! Also, thank goodness for credit when you need it. Now I don't even have to pay my bill until September.

And now enjoy some pics of me testing out the new phone:

Thursday, July 14, 2011

I needed to sit down for a minute and catch my breath. My emotions are running high lately. Something to do with trying to figure out how to make everything work out so I don't get totally screwed. What I mean is I used to be doing really well. Then I got this itch. This itch to LEAVE UTAH. And it's been quite a few months that itch hasn't been scratched.

And I concentrated on that. Almost like an obsession. On finding the right opportunity. And then I almost had it. A couple times. But still, nada. And I told those I worked for about my plans and that I couldn't continue contracting out in the future because of those plans. And I told all new inquiries that I couldn't do that with them, either. Marketing is not a one shot deal. It takes months, sometimes years of working on something to get public recognition. You think you see it once on the news or read about it somewhere and you think it was easy, that the marketer did one little thing. It actually takes time and planning. So it wouldn't be ethical of me to contract out, get a job somewhere and leave whoever hired me up a creek. So I let my business go a bit that way. I had to. I'd made other plans. Plans that included leaving. And I didn't know when. And now here I am. Wondering why I did that...and if I will be able to pay my mortgage next month.

The parents aren't taking the news that I don't believe in their religion very well, either. That's hard. My dad takes things like that hard. He doesn't understand why I even want to leave Utah or do anything else but be here and just find "some job" (which he informs me means working at Walmart or being a telemarketer cuz they will hire anybody). We go in circles on this. The some job any job will do thing. It hurts he thinks so little of me after all the experiences I've had and work I've done (Senate, KSL reporter, NPR)...that he thinks I should settle into minimum wage telemarketing??

So I informed the parents that, instead, to make ends meet I'd be moving out of my little house and putting all my stuff in storage and renting out the place.

I woke up in the middle of the night about a week and a half ago and had this epiphany. I need to move out and rent this place to make this work. It's not in the best area for a gal to live on her own anyway. Even though I love it and I love the chickens and the garden I hear gun shots sometimes. The police arrest people here much more frequently. I can probably name all the dealers up and down the street. Last night someone shined a flashlight directly in my house. The lights were off and they shined it right in from the street. I hid behind the couch because I was just in my underwear. Alone. They probably saw me and they know I'm alone here now. So ya, I need to pay my mortgage and I need to move away and 5 houses are already for sale on this street and for less than I paid for the place 3 years ago. So I'm going to rent. This is very stressful.

So I'm making plans, I ask the parents about moving in with them in the meantime (not ideal), I start to box things up. I may even have some potential interviews in SF and some ppl to crash with for a couple weeks while I visit out there...when my dad, who doesn't want me to leave Utah informs me that there's no point in trying to leave Utah bc the market is bad, California will fall into the ocean, religion is here. I need to get a job anyway and telemarketing will do, right? Grrrrrrr!!!! That would hardly pay the bills and I wouldn't be able to leave for interviews anyway, I say. Then he says I can't move in with them till I've already rented my place out...??? So I tell him I have to have my stuff out so I can rent it. People want an empty place to rent, not the other way around. This also ended up being circular convo. I'm very frustrated at this point.

I'm not asking for much. I don't even want to stay with them. I just want to leave Utah...but have a good job lined up before I do that. I don't have to go to SF, never mind that my industry is centered there, but I do need to get the hell out of here. The culture, the people, the parents, the bad air, it's crushing me. I need somewhere I can grow and just be me the way I want to be me in life. I've never been in such a spot and I don't feel like I have anyone who can guide me through it. Definitely not my parents. Confused and agitated.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Braces off!

The day has finally come I no longer have to wear the Invisalign trays, or take them out in front of people before I eat or have those unsightly buttons on my teeth or go through the pain of my teeth slowly pushing together. No more! My teeth are finally straight!

Here are the before and afters:

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Shot in the garden

Sounds like a new feature to Clue...but no, my fellow blog readers, all two of you, tis pics of the labor of my love (and from a whole lotta rain this season) in my backyard garden so far.