For the Crazy Ones

Why do I even let myself care? Because...and I'll tell you why...I truly, truly want to believe!


It's true. I do. I want the love story. The pathetic hearts and flowers together forever and we build a life together amazingness that has seemed to elude me. I want to believe that there is a man out there that I am attracted to that is fun and awesome and loves me back in a way that actually is love. Love. Like he doesn't lie to me or is not one way in front of some people and another way in front of other people. Love. Like he treats me the way every single nice girl on the planet deserves to be treated and he doesn't have some weird, sick, secret perversion. Love. Real love. Not where he thinks he owns me or tries to control me or tell me what to do all the time. Love, actual love. Love like best friends with life-long benefits kind of love and we are equal and we give to each other simply because we love each other kind of love. Love that means something and makes me want to be better because of how I feel when I'm with him...and he wants to be with me just as much kind of love. It exists, I know it! It has to. All this other crap, it's not worth it. It's stupid and it hurts too much and it sucks. I've been in too many crappy relationships and it's way too damn hard to go through one more. Not one more. I'm not doing it. I'm just not. Really. It's enough to make me want to just give up and just not think about love at all. Yet, I still also want to believe. Crazy. Crazy love. I believe in it. I believe I deserve it. To be loved like that and give love like that. And that exists. It has to. It has to for me, for everyone who believes in it.

So here's to those who think like me. Who believe real love exists, that they deserve it and don't want any substitutes for it. You crazy ones, enough to believe we don't have to be stuck with anything less. It hurts to walk away from the less. Every damn time it really does. But it's less than love and that is not enough. And it makes it okay for me to sit here in sweats on a Saturday night, alone.


Comments

kitty said…
Nice article, but you are compounding your pain by watching such drek. This show is unwatchable. Anyone else tired of Robin Williams spastic comedy?
5:22 PM
RaLph PabLo said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
4:58 AM
RaLph PabLo said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
3:12 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Don't Touch My Junk

I am appalled that so many in my generation are ready and willing to roll over and be sexually assaulted (and let their children be sexually assaulted), give up their rights to privacy and ignore their rights as stated in the 4th Amendment all in the name of supposed security at airports. This new TSA measure is outrageous and ineffective. I did not always feel this way. Like so many others, I didn't see the big deal. However, on more careful examination of the 4th Amendment as well as the many, many assaults that have already taken place, and along with an understanding of the measures we really should be taking to ensure our safety, I have changed my mind. This video is of a man who recorded his experience going through TSA. He asked the TSA agent not to "touch his junk". That's when the TSA agent put him on the no fly list and asked him to step out of line. After questioning he then tried to leave the airport but was told he had to go through the entire procedu...
Read more

Gym Class Heroes

This isn't about gym class or heroes, but it is about the gym. Last night I went to my local gym. I admit to not going on a regular basis so the guy who checked me in noticed I still hadn't taken my complimentary personal training session. He immediately started telling me why it was so important to find out my body fat percentage and burn fat faster, and besides, he said, it's free. Okay, I might as well, right? Next thing I know Suzy Q trainers making me hold out a fat counter and charging me around the gym. I even got high-fived after every workout routine she had me do. Then came the sales pitch. I need her personal training expertise at least twice a week. that's 40 bucks a pop, so basically 80 bucks a week. ummm, no thanks. But she wouldn't budge. In her mind I needed her, I couldn't do it without her, but she was willing to let me off with the minimum of twice a month. How kind, only 80 bucks a month. Wow. I still told her no way. She insisted...
Read more

Bigamy, Polygamy, Polyandry, Gay Marriage and Utah

Image
I don't have TV so I don't watch anything unless it's on Hulu . But I have watched a few clips of Sister Wives online. If you didn't know this, I have a serious fascination with polygamy and LDS polygamist break off sects . So this new show on TLC, if you didn't know, is about a man and his wife and his other wife and his other wife...and how they are dating this other gal that could be their fourth wife. And they live in Lehi. And the women are all over the age of 30. And they look normal. The husband is even somewhat good looking and not some creepy old man. Now, because they were so willing to go public about their "arrangement" through this TV reality show, the city of Lehi has decided to prosecute. Lame. So I've been thinking about this. You know, a hundred and fifty plus years ago, the events of polygamy laid out my very existence. Yep, I come from several polygamist families of the early LDS church. And that is why I exist. And also, even h...
Read more