Saturday, August 13, 2011

Good for 33

For some reason I've been on a dating 24 year olds streak. Not really by choice...that just seems to be what I got. I do live in Utah...You know what they say, these 24 year old boys? I look good for 33.

But I'd like to just look good. Not for 33. Just look good. A part of me says "hey, 24 year olds hit on me so I look good" but another part of me freaks out a little. My mind goes to "Oh hell, I'm a novelty". And that is crappy. Why are they not scared to date me??? ...Also, why am I willing to date them? Also, I guess I'm just kinda dating whoever and not really sure what I want in this limbo...btw I've been in this limbo for a good six months now. 33 is not the time to be in limbo, biologically. Yet here I am...

Some other things happening:

I'm having, it seems, an early mid-life crisis. I'll be honest...I have no idea what the hell I'm doing right now.

I rented out my house this last week, moved in with the mom and an RV (they are staying in Salt Lake for the summer in their RV). Then we had this huge fight and aren't talking (it was over my lifestyle choices - my parents, though they mean well, are control freaks) and now I'm staying on the couch at a friend's house. And I canceled all my contracts, SF still hasn't worked the way I was hoping and that means I'm stuck in Salt Lake basically unemployed, not talking to my parents and living on someone's couch. My life appears to suck. You know what though? It's actually kinda funny. I have to laugh (maybe so I don't cry?)

I mean there's this saying that everything happens for a reason. And I want to believe this but...what if there's no reason and things just happen? And here I am, trying to find meaning where there is none, with no direction and just living on a couch? I keep waiting for something to hit me. I'm acting like I'm 20. Something is bound to happen, right? Right??? Universe, I need some direction, and answers...also, thanks for the pause. Maybe I'll go back to school, or move to Europe...or sell furniture. You see what I'm doing here?

This is a pic of me looking good for 33 at Craft Lake City today (artsy craftsy fair that happens every year in the SLC. I would like to point out I'm not wearing makeup...which is a new thing I'm trying out, among other things):

1 comment:

George Marie said...

What you are going through is normal. When we go through a life-changing experience, we often need some time to adjust to new things.

When I broke up with my ex, I went to a lot of different places and did things with different people. For that month, I was doing things for me. Everything in my life had to be on hold, for just a little while.

I went to a Unitarian service lately. Change takes time, was the essence of the lesson. We need time to learn what said change will bring to our life. As far as I am concerned, one is entitled to take as much time as it needs.