Wednesday, April 13, 2011

My date with a boy - reactions please.

I swore I wouldn't talk about dates on here. It's hurt some feelings. However, this one was just sorta strange (for me, apparently not for some other people I've talked to about it).

So I was asked to get together at a coffee shop by this young guy who was an intern at a project I just finished up with. I'm thinking he wants career advice. Turns out he has the hots for me. I'm thinking he couldn't be older than 22. So I tell him how old I am, thinking that will help him realize this isn't going to work. He, however, becomes all the more tenacious and says he doesn't care. He asks me to dinner. After much persuading (and deep down knowing this is not going to work) I agree. And you know what? We end up having great conversation.

Now, keep in mind I already have a complex about my possible immaturity (I was told by the teen girls I lead in a youth group that I was not really an adult, I was more like them - this was a compliment).

So here I am actually enjoying my conversation with this much younger boy (and thinking "s@!&, I really AM that immature") when I get a text from a friend to go see a band for later that night. I ask the kid if he would like to go. Alas, the boy cannot. He looks at me sheepishly and tells me he's 20. Not even legal. Yikes!

I tell him this really won't work. He's devastated. I feel totally gross.

Never in my life did I think a kid that age would be going for a 32 year old. At least not one that seemed sane and didn't have any weird issues (that I knew of) with his mom or something. My age, he said, really didn't bother him. But it really bothered me.

I've dated older, I've dated younger, but never that young and let me tell you, it was super weird.

However, in polling several other friends I found some interesting reactions. Some laughed, but not all. In fact, to my shock, some actually asked me if I enjoyed my time and did I think we would go out again. Those are clearly more open-minded than I am about the situation. That much younger is just not appealing to me in any way. However, it's surprising how a fraction of folks really didn't see the problem with it.

Blog readers, internet surfers of the world, etc, what do you think? Would it matter to you?

12 comments:

abby said...

My rule is that if I remember the year you were born clearly, it's not going to work. The youngest I went out with was 7 years younger and we just couldn't relate. He was hot though :). E has freaked out with 5 years younger but I wouldn't be bothered by that much age difference.

Of course, my grandpa married a 16 year old at 33. :)

erinannie said...

I once went out with a guy 7 years younger than me. We were mutually interested in each other. I was 32, he was 25. I struggled a tiny bit with it, but we got along great, so I got over it. Until he told me how he had never kissed a girl. He had intentionally not kissed a girl before his mission, and hadn't yet had a girlfriend since his mission.
That, for whatever reason, was the dealbreaker. He was just too green.
But 12 years younger?? Kudos to both of you. That's just awesome. And hilarious.

mj said...

Ha ha ha ha. That's awesome. I once had a crush on a guy 8 years younger. I could almost see it working. I mean the idea of putting some guy through undergrad when you have a well-established career is ugh but if it's love . . .

That never happened due to timing and I'm pretty glad about how things turned out in my life.

Okay, truth. I could not do 12 years. 8 is pushing it but possible.

That thing on facebook about you being "in a relationship"--was that a joke?

SJ said...

Yes and no. Whatever it was, it was, tragically, short lived and over.

Steve said...

As your only maile commenter here, let me be the first to say "Let's hear it for the mature women!"

When I was 25, I 'dated' a woman that was 35. When I was 24, I hooked up with a woman and often had awesome conversations and just hanging out time with a woman that was 40ish. There is a reason younger guys like older women. For a second, stop thinking about yourself here. It is because more mature guys are bored to tears with immature (under 25 usually) girls. Mature guys that enjoy the finer thigns in life and want to do something more than drink and watch reality tv like older women because you are doing something we find interesting in your life and, most men my age and older will tell you this, even though the idea women peak physically in their early 20's might be true to some extent, a woman doesn't peak mentally until late 20's or even 30's, when they have gained the confidence in themselves to be themselves and their body in a way younger girls are still all neurotic about. Essentially, older women from a early 20's age, are more mature, interesting, and sexy. There is a reason The Graduate is considered one of the greatest movies of all time.

In summary, if you have fun with this bloke, then hang out with him. Don't let your insecurity and perceived (although you have even admitted it's not as much as you thought it would be!) societal norms keep you from at a minimum having a good time for a short bit and who knows what potentially long-term. At the very least, dating a younger boy will TOTALLY raise your stock with older guys! Trust me.

Dainon. said...

One of the greatest dates I've had in the past couple of years turned into a weekend. We didn't know it at the time, but we learned I was about 14 years older than she was. By then, it didn't matter. We got along swimmingly. For what it's worth.

Melissa said...

Oh that is tragic.

By the way I am totally in favor of you spending more time with this guy if YOU want to. You don't have to call it dating.

Jase said...

I think it depends on your goals and priorities in dating. I know from talking with you in the past that it's important for you to have kids and a family at some point and you're kind of getting worried about that as you're getting older.

The thing you need to ask yourself is if you could see that happening with a guy more than a decade younger than yourself. You're both in different places in your lives and he might not be ready for something like that any time near when you would.

If you think he's a non-starter for a long term relationship, but you're ok with pursuing a short term relationship for fun in the meantime then I think it's important to be upfront with that in the beginning. If you're going into it knowing it's not going to go anywhere but he's looking at it more seriously, then that's just heading for some heartbreak down the road. But if you're both on the same page that it's just a casual short term fling then I say have fun!

SJ said...

Melissa, I love that response. And I'm so not into 20 yr olds (sorry Steve...also the Graduate was about the older lady trying to seduce Sean Penn but he actually liked her daughter).

Jase, who are you? I don't know a Jase. Jason?

Steve said...

SJ - Sean Penn? You mean Dustin Hoffman, of course?!? Anyways, that might be the plot of the movie, but it isn't the point!

If you are so hung up on age, then your solution here is pretty obvious.

Alejandra said...

I just found your blog, love it!
I think it's way to hard to have an opinion about age differences and their importance without generalizing. Just see how mature he is and what his goals are, also how confident you would feel having a much younger husband when you both get older. Good luck and keep us posted!

SJ said...

It's not just the age. It's really where a person is in life. Him - junior in college, working part-time at Target, living with mom and dad. Me - own my own home, run a business. Him - not born till the 90's. Me - making all these 80's references...ya.