I know I said I would never write about my dating life again unless that guy made me want to have his children, but this one is worth mentioning to all the women out there for safety reasons.
I don't generally believe in internet dating. I do have some good friends who have met their future spouses and nice, normal (at least it seems so far) boyfriends on the internet. And so there I was on this site that is actually not a dating site but found myself chatting with this guy about politics. It turned out we both actually lived in the same neighborhood a few blocks away from each other and that we were even both of the same religion. It also turned out he was single, my age and his picture looked cute. And so, though I was hesitant, we decided to meet IRL.
We went to listen to vespers at the Cathedral. Beautiful. Great, intelligent, in-depth conversation. He seemed cute enough and was a gentleman. And somehow it got around to how he was still single, never married, no kids. It was inevitable I suppose. He said he didn't want to tell me why he was still single but that it was pretty big. And he said he liked me and thought I was remarkable. But I prodded.
So what was it? Well, if you know anything about me you should know I have a knack for getting people to open up and say things they wouldn't normally say. My mom has the same gift and I suppose passed it on to me (which came in very handy when I was a reporter). And soon he started to open up. He told me he was a registered sex offender. A pedophile. He had fondled his niece when she was 8. Ya.
My stomach sank. My jaw tightened. I recoiled in total horror. He said it only happened one time and that he was in counseling and working on it. I didn't know what to think or say or do. I had never known a pedophile to only do it once. He asked if I wanted him to leave. I said no (but I did, actually want him to). It was probably the most horrific thing he could have said to me. I was glad and surprised he told me and it probably was very hard for him to admit but there was no way any of whatever was going on between us was going any further.
He said he now had a great relationship with the girl he did that to (his niece who is now 18 and he claims remembers nothing).
It was disturbing to say the least. He left on the verge of tears and then emailed me after to apologize for making me feel uncomfortable.
It was a very confusing situation. I could tell he didn't want to be that monster and to carry that label. There is something seriously mentally wrong to find a child sexually arousing. The very thought of someone being like that sickens me to the core. I knew he was sincere and sounded like he was working on his problems, but I could not stand to be in his presence. It was so dark and awful and I wish I'd never met him at all.
Last night, after he left, I went and downloaded the sex offender tracker app on my Android. It lists all the sex offenders and what they were convicted of in my area. It has their name, address and a photo ID of what they look like as well. Sure enough, there he was on that list. I was glad to know where they all were and surprised to find so many in my area, but sickened inside to read what they had done. I am hypersensitive to this situation because of my grandfather. Why do people like that even exist? Is there no cure for something that dark and devious? On the one hand I could feel his pain and he said it was like he carried the scarlet letter with him, but that is like having sympathy for the Devil. He said he hoped to find someone someday who would look past what he'd done. But that person is not me. It is the most awful thing you could possibly do and I did not care to be anywhere near such a diseased and dangerous soul.