Friday, October 15, 2010

Fat or Fiction?

I had an interesting conversation last Sunday with a guy, mid-30's, who admitted he hadn't been on a date in at least 6 months. He wasn't very outgoing or good-looking. He also admitted he didn't talk to many women so it wasn't much of a surprise. I kind of felt bad for him until the conversation continued. He went on to say that he was really waiting for a certain someone he had in mind. No, not an actual person he knew existed. This hefty, middle-aged guy was looking for a girl about 5'4" and who weighed, his words, "100 lbs".

The obvious conclusion is that this guy will never date. But it also brings up another issue with women and body image. Where did this guy get this idea? Is this commonly lurking in the minds of other men? a woman of 5'4" and 100 lbs is not a woman at all but  a 12 year old girl. It is this type of unrealistic idealism that worries me.

Women are already harsh on themselves. I sometimes have to stop and realize when I'm being harsh on myself. I was tagged in these photos at a friend's birthday party last night.



You know the first thing I thought? Not, wow, we were all having such a good time or look how cute I look. I thought, holy cow, fattie, lose some weight. I had to stop myself and really evaluate what I was doing. It's something I recognize I do and that a lot of women do.

I will never be 5'4" and 100 lbs unless some serious disease strikes me. I am not a skinny girl. But I'm not a fat girl, either. I exercise, I eat right and ya, I've still got curves. I used to hate them, but they are a part of me no matter what I do. And you know what? I don't need the approval of some gross 35 year old guy who never dates anyone anyway. I look good! I want other women to see themselves and to tell themselves they look good, too when they do. We are so hard on ourselves as women. Society is so hard on us to look a certain way. I'm curvy. I look good curvy. God made me curvy and it looks good on me. It's accepting that over and over and over again that is the challenge.

I'm not fat. I look like a woman. At least that's what I keep telling myself. And real women got curves, right?

...Although in that second pic I look like I could stand to lose 15 lbs. I'll stop it now.

4 comments:

mj said...

Yeah. Pre-baby I was actually within 10 lbs of that. But let's think about that for a second: me, skinny A-cup, could never find clothes that are small enough to fit me b/c mostly they don't make them (except in the juniors dept but hi, i'm 32!). I was too big for that dude.

I used to have a little complex of my own about my not-so-curvy frame. The real point is women look good in many shapes and sizes, especially when they are confident (!!!) and there are men that know that. That guy probably comforts himself by PRETENDING to be dateless by choice. Somebody with criteria that specific is likely somebody that does not really know how to have a relationship. And that is sad.

Steve said...

Yeah, hope this guy doesn't hold his breath. Besides, he sounds exactly like the type of guy a 5'4", 100lb girl would say yes to! haha.

BTW, you are the skinny, hot girl in all those pics! ;-)

And MJ is right, guys that are worth talking to and date regularly, know that women come in many different sizes, shapes, shades, and eating habits. How any of you ever find clothes that fit is beyond me! Or to repeat this life lesson this old guy that worked with me on my first job 15+ years ago said "Women, they are all the same on the inside, pink and stink!" I think he meant it as a compliment!?!? haha.

SJ said...

haha, that's gross. Ya, thank goodness for real men who like real women.

mj said...

Yeah, Steve, that was gross. And pretty objectifying. But I get how you meant it so you get a pass. This time....