Wednesday, September 22, 2010

So I've come to some conclusions

I'm having a bit of a reality crisis. I'm in a family ward now. I'm the only single person there. Well, okay, there are a few old widows and one divorcee in her later 40's...but obviously not the same thing as me. I own a house, I own a business, I'm pretty normal and sane and all and I'm a professional, white, 32 year old, healthy, fun, attractive (or so I'm told) single gal. And you know what? This family ward has no idea what to do with me. I don't relate...or they don't relate. I see it and hear it. Not a single Sunday has gone by that someone hasn't asked me why I'm STILL single. The thing is I have no idea how to answer that. I don't know why I'm single. I know I get a lot of advantages being single (but wouldn't mind being married to an awesome guy, of course). But I don't know how to explain that to them. My ward is full of the very young and the very old. They are mostly Tongan or Hispanic (a third of the ward only speaks Spanish) and they got married young, did not seek higher ed and work in blue collar jobs while the women stay home and raise the kids. Many come from poor circumstances but are rich in family relations. They did not have the opportunities or the experiences I have had in my life.

It's not like I don't date. I like a lot of different kinds of guys and have been accused of dating too much and of flirting too much, actually. Especially lately. It seems ever since I permanently dropped B my dating life has really taken off. What I've noticed the most, however, is that even though all the books, magazines, and other women say I should ignore men and date up a storm and all that, it seems that when a guy seems really into me he notices how many other men are also into me and it backfires.  I even have had to hear them tell me/complain to me that I go out with too many other guys. They notice how much I go out and then they call less, they try less. It's as if they tell themselves there is no use because there is too much competition. And you know what? I'm not even kissing all these guys! I just like going out and having a good time and hoping it clicks really well with someone sometime...soon? But if the guy just pursued a little harder than all the other guys he would have me and my heart. Really! So wisdom of the ages be damned. That doesn't seem to be the way men work. They don't just have to have you because so many other guys do. They give up and try for someone they don't have to compete for. At least that has been my experience lately.

On the opposite end if a girl never gets asked out no guy seems to see her as a the kind of girl to ask out anyway. So they don't get asked out and in the end we are all in the same boat. Truly, I'd rather go out and have fun like I am. But we all end up still single anyway. So I'm trying to remedy this and scratching my head about what to do about this. I just don't know. I don't know how to answer it. I don't know how to relate to all the young married women with 5 babies in tow and with no other ambitions in life who don't know why I'm single. I feel like such an odd duck where I am and even though I love my life and all the things I get to do in it, I feel so weird where I am right now.

However, some things started to unfold lately...I went to DC. Originally for a guy...which didn't work out and I won't go into details about. But it did help me come to some conclusions about where I am and what I'm doing in life. These conclusions I didn't even know I was formulating in the back of my mind seem to have been there a while. They didn't really start to come out till I went to DC. I realized how much I missed that place and how many normal, sane, great single people there are in that space that are doing something great with their lives. That relate to me! And even though I love my life here, my house, my animals, friends, new calling in my ward even (young womens), I really think I need a change and that the answer may be DC. I'm actively looking for a job there (which will be so weird because I really have loved working on my own here) but I need the change. I need to be challenged more in my career and to have new opportunities and to be around people in my same stage of life. DC was a fresh breath for me. It was vibrant and fun and still holds so many good memories. And you know what? The guys there, they are educated, too! They are not all divorced with 5 kids! And there are a lot of single people, both guys and girls, who like to do fun things and they don't care if you are single because they are too. Not that I'm trying to be single. It's just a lot more fun to be single in your 30's there it seems. I didn't even think about it before, but I'm in a desert here. So I've come to this conclusion that I need to move back to DC. I've got a bit of a plan and I'm praying a lot to make sure I'm doing the right thing here. If you know of any PR or social media or writing or communications positions open, let me know?

1 comment:

mj said...

Arrgh. The internets ate my comment!

Anyway the most useful thing I said was that you should look into communications at the big (or small) government consulting firms. You are best off in you can find an "in" though.

Unfortunately I think I already used up my in for a good friend of ours :-).

Also, you'll probably hear this from E&A, but DC comes with plenty of its own challenges.