I read this in an Ezine article:

"Working too hard makes you unattractive to good men and makes you oh, so attractive to the bad ones."

I'm embarrassed to admit it but I literally typed in "how to find your soul mate" and this came up. It's so true! The jerks love a girl who bends over backwards for them. Makes their life so easy and they know they can just insult all your efforts and you'll come back for more. Run away from these guys. I know, for some sad reason this is easier said than done. It was for me for a certain horrible someone. But distance, time and good friends who can help you rebuild your self-esteem help.

Now...why was I spending time typing this in? I'm not exactly desperate right now. All the articles I read seemed to be aimed at women who got rejected a lot. But finding guys who like me is not the problem...It's just I can't seem to find a guy who I like back. And I don't think I'm being too snobby about what I would prefer.

My other girlfriends seem to be in the same boat. These are cute, educated gals that get asked out plenty...by all the wrong guys. These are men that don't have a job, heavily in debt, significantly less attractive than the other person, have a drinking problem, an attitude problem, an anger management problem, already have a girlfriend, treat women poorly, hate their moms, can't seem to get their crap together (like they are still working on their undergrad and they're 29), play mind games, play D&D...whatever, they are not a single one a good match. So I thought a little helpful advice from the internet might help. But it didn't.

All I can ascertain is that it is better to be single than tied down to a jerk in some miserable relationship...but significantly better to be in a great relationship with a great guy than to be single. Ummm, yep, got that one, thanks.

I'd like to say I'd take some nerdy nice guy over a jerk...but it would be a lie. I've been with a jerk and gone back and back and back an insane amount of times. I guess trying to fix him or trying to figure out why he couldn't just be nice to me...until I couldn't do it anymore. I'm hoping for a nice guy to show up instead. I'm hoping to resist "wounded bird syndrome" where you're drawn to a guy cuz he's totally insane and you hope he just needs someone to care...which actually only escalates his broken crazy and now you are enabling him and he's telling you that you are worthless...But maybe that's the secret to finding your "soul mate" or whatever you wanna call the person that fits you best. You believe there is this good guy out there and you don't have to accept Mr. Broken, or Mr. "inauthentic cheeseball with clammy hands" or Mr. "I don't have a job or a car and will you drive me?" You don't go out with or even think about all the guys you know are wrong, wrong, wrong. Instead you expect Mr. Right. Right?

Really, I don't know. I just wish there weren't so many guys I didn't like and that there were more of an abundance of hot guys that had their life together and respected the women in their lives.


Steve said…
Hmmmm, maybe the problem is your market? But I hear my single friends in DC say similar things.

BTW, D&D guys can be pretty cool! In my experience, guys that play games, and not the electronic kind, are the nicest and smartest people I have met!
SJ said…
But not necessarily in shape or very umm... attractive.

I actually was at a belly dancing festival this weekend (you wouldn't think it but Salt Lake is number 2 in belly dancers in the nation) and at the same time in another section of the state fair grounds there were all these medieval dweeby sword fighters. My friend and I went to go check it out and they explained to us the ranks of how you rise in battle to become king or queen. Well, at least they've found their someones right?
SJ said…
Wait...Steve, uh...do YOU play D&D?
Steve said…
hahaha, I plead the 5th since I don't want to be lumped into your category of "not in shape or attractive", ha. Although, in my group of game friends (which I never see anymore due to other hobbies and life), I was referred to as the "jock", haha. So yes, they aren't typically the best looking folks, but I think it is a lot easier to find a nice person and get them to lose some weight and/or a haircut and come out into sunlight sometimes than find a jerk and enjoy spending two hours playing a silly game on a rainy afternoon and have fun with it!

BTW, who keeps track of belly dancing stats by state?!?! haha. Is that a new box on the census? And I imagine belly dancing in Utah is considered to be pretty exotic and pushing the boundaries! Or do they have belly dancing night on FHE now? ;-)
mj said…
I once played a round of D&D. It . . . was . . . awesome. And so hilarious and fun. I don't think it was necessarily your average D&D group as most of them were relatively attractive. They were just willing to embrace their inner dork. Although, to tell the truth they did kind of hide this from the world. I did not know one of my friends was an actual dungeon master (and had a huge collection of figurines!) until we'd been hanging out for like a year. And ok I teased him for a while. And he wouldn't let me play until I promised not to mock. But then when he did it was totally fun. In moderation, of course.

Also, my husband has clammy hands a lot of the time.

I think dumb luck has a lot to do with finding your "soul mate." So does being available because you're not with the jerk.
SJ said…
I watched Bride Wars last night at the dollar theater (which is actually $1.50 now) and realized I was Anne Hathaway's character. There's this part in the movie where her fiancee explains to her that everyone likes her because she's the Paula and that her best friend is more like Simon Cowell. But Anne Hathaway then realizes that it's the Simon's that get what they really want and people respect...It hit me. I'm the Paula! I'm the push-over pleaser. Jerks see a girl like me coming and think "Awesome, a gal I can control". I don't want to be a mean girl, but let's face it, people respect Simon and Simon gets what he wants, even if not very many people like him...No wonder I've been a jerk magnet.

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