I am beginning to feel restless and stagnant in my life and in need of a change. I've felt this before but don't know what to do about it just yet. Usually I move states or switch jobs when I feel like this. This time I took up belly dancing instead. I didn't go to class tonight. I probably missed some important choreography because of it. But I just felt like that wouldn't do it for me. Not tonight. I am standing still and need to move, or be moved. I just feel like life is just going along, boring. It could be a lack of husband and kids and all this freedom to choose what I want and I don't really know what to do with. I don't know if that is it or that is what I choose to blame. I just know I'm restless for purpose or change or challenge. Something. I can't figure out how to feel fulfilled. Like I'm doing something with my life (even though on the surface it may seem I'm doing a lot) I just feel like there's something more I could learn or do or be and I don't know what that is or where to go to get it or if it will ever happen. It's bugging me.
Playing house
I have no idea how I got here. I spent so much time dating and being single and going through boyfriends and now here I am -- in my late 30's, married and with a baby on the way. Sometimes it doesn't feel real, like I'm playing house. Last night my husband and I ordered nursery furniture from Pottery Barn. We made a list of things we still need to get from Amazon and discussed the credit cards with the best points to put it on for travel miles and cash back bonuses. We have 401k's and a savings account and talk about stock investments. You'd think, at almost 40, I would feel like a responsible adult and this would all feel normal right now. It does not. Any moment I wonder when I'm going to wake up. There were times I thought maybe I'll never get married. I wondered if I'd be able to have children -- or get the chance to even try. This baby, so far, seems so healthy and so far I've felt healthy throughout the pregnancy. I'm blessed with go
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