Friday, December 26, 2008

Perfect Guy List

I am pretty much convinced the perfect guy for me does not exist. I have thrown in the towel and am even tempted to just give up dating altogether. Sure, you say...and what's this about that "in a relationship...it's complicated" status on Facebook? Well never mind that. That one is complicated and we both know it. But in my real quest for my forever someone there are a few things I would really, really like them to have and there are other things that would just make them a much better fit with me.

1. Must like funny movies. Most guys are much more into action movies. I like those fine and some I love. But if you really wanna win me over it's not romance that will do. No, you'll be the kind of guy that likes busting up on comedy flicks.

2. Along comedy lines, it also helps if you are a fan of 30 Rock and It's Always Sunny in Philidelphia. If you've never heard of them you may want to do some research before we hang out. If you do not care for these hilarious shows...well, um, you may want to figure out what happened to your sense of humor.

2. Helps if you like to eat healthy. I know, most guys like their meat and potatoes. And I don't eat like an angel all the time (this holiday forget it) but it would be nice if you didn't nosh on pizza all the time. It'd be doubly nice if you liked lots of vegetables, were concerned for your health and would enjoy cooking and/or being active with me.

3. Not too critical. Most of the men I have ever known in my life have tended to be critical. Something is always wrong (with the service, with the other drivers, with the way I drive, write, workout, whatever). I started thinking this was just a male thing to just be a grump at something all the time till I started meeting guys who weren't so much like this. I would really like a stable guy without his head in the clouds who also happens to not be too critical of me or others (although if you ask guys who are critical if they think they are critical they will tell you they aren't, they just know better. So actually getting a guy who realizes he needs to stop being so critical may be asking the impossible).

4. Someone who likes all kinds of music, especially indie rock...But (and this is the clincher) is not SO OBSESSED with music that he consumes his life with it. Music is great. For the background to your actual life.

5. Frugal. I cannot tell you how sexy this is. Debt free, even better! I do like to go to a nice restaurant once in a while or see the movie opening weekend. But coupon clipping and dollar movies with my mate are actually much more of a turn on.

6. Opens the door. Yes, I know, you don't do this because some girls get mad when guys do this. Who are those girls? I'd really like to talk to them because MOST girls I know actually like it when guys do nice, chivalrous things like opening the door. Yes, we can get the door ourselves. You can also sew your own buttons. That's not the point. It's just nice to know you are thinking of nice things to do when we go out.

7. Okay, so here's where I get a bit paradoxical (and may be asking the impossible again). I would really like it if I could find a guy who could deeply discuss church doctrine with me, uses his intellect and has a testimony but also doesn't mind watching rated R movies and the fact that while I am a spiritual person, it's actually very hard for me to follow all the religious dogma and sit through 3 hours of church.

8. Good in bed. We won't know this till later if you are what I'm REALLY looking for. But in short this involves a little creative initiative and an interest in making me happy.

9. Educated. This is not a deal breaker if you have never been to college, but you and I will be a much better fit if you are interested in educating yourself about the world either through college or listening to news, NPR, reading the paper, books, history channel, etc.

10. Be a practical man. Here's where I get a bit hypocritical, but for good reason. I'm a dreamer. I'm not always practical. I need my partner to be my balance. Two dreamers don't work very well in the real world. I want to support you in your dreams, but we'll work a lot better together if your dreams are practical, down to earth "I am doing this to support our future family" kinds of dreams.

11. Politically in the middle. Far left is too militantly liberal for me, far right is too paranoid and over zealoous. If you are interested in politics that's great, so am I. But I also hate fighting about them. I have opinions that will probably differ from yours. But my perfect fit will probably see things close to the way I do and probably won't be a political zealot for any party.

12. Physically attractive. There are lots of definitions to what people find physically attractive. And some argue this doesn't really matter because we get old and you have to love the person inside. But we are talking about my perfect guy list here and I would prefer (like pretty much this has to be) a guy who is physically attractive to me. The perfect guy for me physically is tall, dark and handsome. Sigh, such a cliche, I know. But that doesn't mean a shorter guy doesn't have a chance. I wouldn't mind a guy anywhere from 5'8" to 6'2". In shape. He doesn't have to be hunky, but 50 lbs over or under weight is a deal breaker. Oh, and a full head of hair (but not a chia pet chest).

Well, that's the list. The impossible, perfect guy for me list. I doubt such a guy exists, but if I could have all of it, this would be my perfect match.

3 comments:

mj said...

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Okay it's not like there is no chance this guy exists, but if you focus on looking for this guy, you are not likely to get what you want. What I learned from dating the guy who had a lot of the stuff I ostensibly wanted but plain wasn't that nice to me (the real problem here is that he wasn't that into me, but you already covered that topic) and then -- refreshingly! -- dating the guy that ok yes he's cool (but we started with very different tastes in a lot of things), but first and foremost he was nice to me is this little gem: what I should have been looking for all along was NOT the BEST GUY, BUT the BEST RELATIONSHIP.

It's true a good relationship requires a good guy, but that is not enough. When the relationship works and you are both willing to work on it, you will try out each other's favorite whatever and be sensitive to each other's hopes and dreams and find a way to balance each other, etc.

OK, this is just my opinion. But I think the most important stuff on your list was probably the money part (you have to be pretty closely aligned there) and the attractiveness (as long as your definition is not too narrow). The lack of criticism is also important, but I think this often comes down to better communication. Some dudes are just jerks--run away. But many are clueless about how you interpret what they say. If they are willing to listen when you tell them "so yeah I kinda feel like you're saying I'm incompetent when you give me that gargantuan list of ways to improve X" and they are willing to change (and so are you--in this example maybe recognize really they're just trying to max out their personal level of helpfulness), then we are talking about a good relationship. Oh, and the spiritual part might be important but I wouldn't complicate it so much.

I did have a list. It was thus:

1) Strong faith and testimony
2) Empathy
3) Grooviness

But it actually wasn't until I admitted to myself that I might not get it all and I would just start with somebody who seems basically nice that I got all three in heavy doses.

OK, that's enough babbling. Back to work.

mj said...

By the way, I did read all your caveats and know that this is not the list you are using to measure everyone by but more of a "in your dreams" list, I just felt like going off on a tangent to delay working. Hope you didn't mind.

SJ said...

Ha ha, I didn't mind at all. It was actually helpful coming from a girl who's been there, done that, has the ring to prove it.

Your list is a lot simpler, and more actually what I do really want, but yes, the list I posted is an "in my dreams" sorta thing. I have no idea how to even find a guy with all three of the simple things. One of 'em (or all three) seem to always be missing.