Sunday, March 23, 2008

Jerk School

Ladies, you wondered where jerks got this stuff. They had to have learned it somewhere along the way, right? Well, here it is, all rules of jerk school finally revealed!!!

1)If a new woman appears on sight, and she looks better than the one you currently have, it is time to upgrade.

Upgrading will happen without further notice.

2)Feelings and emotions are irrelevant - ignore hers, and count any that you might have as pure anomalies.

3) Don't call more than once or twice a week. Don't stay on the phone for more than 5 or 10 minutes. Don't see her more than once or twice a week.

In other words, DON'T ACT LIKE A BOYFRIEND.

4)Feelings must be skillfully recognised and emulated, so that when necessary they can be faked to obtain benefit.

5)whenever she suggests going somewhere, your idea for a date will be the exact opposite.

Any attempt for negotiation shall be aborted.

6)The response to almost any question from here should immediately be in the negative, however, in order to lull her into a sense of semi-security you can allow her to attempt to change your mind occasionally.

7)Generally speaking, if a woman knows that you're seeing other women, it will make you more attractive.

8)In the presence of other males who look like they may possibly have the slightest chance of being a rival, you must do huge public displays of affection--big wet kisses work best, but you know they are meaningless and you are only marking your territory.

9)when you pick up your date from her house...and if she has roommates or lives with family members ask them for their number in front of your date and then tell them that you will see them in a few hours for dessert

10)When you get to your car on a date..wait for your date to open your door. She should be doing stuff for you all the time anyway.

11)If you disagree, or fight, or have an argument, instead of making up, make out!

Not sure how? Take a look at this
link

12)Build a woman up with compliments and then cut her down with friendly teases. Repeat as necessary.

13)Secretly date and make-out with another woman, but keep gf #1 on the line for a backup. Later, announce out of the blue your engagement to gf #2.

14)If there is an important event she wants you to attend: Sleep in, sleep all day. If she complains about you not going, make her feel bad for suggesting that your much needed sleep is not important.

15)It´s important to create a certain attitude during your entire conversation with a woman. Your goal is to never let her feel completely comfortable when you are talking to her. This means you should tease her behavior or comments, and make her work for YOUR attention.

16)When they call, wait for them to leave a voicemail then call back in 3 weeks, talk for less than one minute.. as you are very busy all the time.

17)Order water for her when you take her to a restaurant, criticize her hair, ask her to drive, never open the door and always walk in front of her, give her no time to get ready, only go to free activities with her, tell her all women want is your (nonexistant) money, complain about the body parts of your ex and flirt with other women to make her think you are hot/desireable.

18)If she's a single mother, ask her how wild she is (that insinuation will really help up the jerk thing)...and then act like a child suffering from sibling rivalry if you do meet her child.

19)For Thanksgiving, make sure she works her fingers to the bone preparing food for you. Devour it all, eat her food too. If she tries to eat, remind her that she's getting fat. After all the food is gone, tell her it didn't really taste that good and then vomit it up all over her.

20)Go to an extremely expensive restaurant. Let her know she can order anything she wants. Order a big meal yourself and eat it quickly. Excuse yourself for a minute to the restroom. Slip out the back (with the waitress if possible), drive away, and don't look back.

21)take her out dancing, but don't dance with her. wait till 1 or 2am, then leave with someone else.

22)Answer your cell phone while on a date and laugh and talk with whomever is calling for at LEAST 10-15 minutes. Make your date think it is another girl, even if it's your mom.

23)Give all the people in your phonebook girls names, and never delete missed calls, so if she should happen to take a sneak peak at your phones display, she'll see a bunch of missed phonecalls from girls.

24)Be sure to get a text message during a movie date - and answer it while smiling about the inside joke.

25)When at the cinema always make out during the scenes you know/notice she really wants to see. During the rest of the movie, especially sad or scary parts, keep the can of popcorn between you so she can't rest in your arms.

26)When you run into a former girlfriend, be sure to stop to visit with her (if she is younger and prettier than your current date). DO NOT introduce your date to her. But, if you must - use the label "friend" - as in, "This is my friend AMY".

27)make her cry constantly and when she does tell her she's a wimp and being "womanly" and it's annoying.

You are doing it to make her stronger when you finally get fed up with her and dump her.

Rules brought to you courtesy of (surprise, surprise) LDSLinkup

No comments: