Saturday, March 24, 2007

The Morning Breaks

...The fevers flee. It's a church song...sorta...with some interpretive word changes.

Yay, the fever is pretty much almost gone. But it still hurts to talk. It hurt so bad this week I cried at one point. Nothing worked, not pain meds, not sudafed, nothing till I started taking the chewable Zicam. but the throat still needs some help. Chloraseptic works a little, but IT wasn't even doing anything this morning. On the bright side, at least the fever, chills and aches are mostly gone.

The thing is, because it hurts to talk I've been trying not to, and even when I tell people sometimes they don't seem to get that. I try to be brief or nod my head, but they ignore me, sometimes repeat what they just said or walk off into another room and still try to have a conversation so I can't just nod or write it down. I now realize how extremely difficult it must be to be a mute. I mean what if I decided to take a vow of silence one day? These people would just ignore it? Think I'll just bend for them? Break down?

My roommate kept asking me how I was feeling, how work was going, what i was doing tonight. I just looked at her, gave a wave of the hand over my body to indicate I'm still sick, disheveled and wearing pajamas. She asks more questions. I say it hurts to talk. She ignores this and tells me about her love life then asks about mine. I repeat that it hurts to talk. She then asks what I'm doing tonight. I reply a quick "nothing". "Oh, cuz you're sick?" she says (as she walks into the bathroom to do her makeup). This means I can't just smile and nod. I say once again it hurts to talk. "wow, that sucks" she says...then asks more questions.

I'm at the grocery store buying chloraseptic. The cashier asks (in an "i really don't care, i'm just supposed to say this" way) how I am today. I nod yes. She just looks at me...waiting for me to say something. I say fine. She then asks me credit or debit. She's not looking at me, she's looking at her screen now. I say debit. "Cash back?". I say no. I am done but realize that I would have no way of doing business in this modern world if I couldn't talk.

Try it yourself. Take a vow of silence for just one day and see how well you function around others. It's really hard, not because you want to talk, but because it's pretty hard to communicate without some sort of sound.

2 comments:

Sherpa said...

Hope you're feeling better soon. About the throat--have you been gargling with hydrogen peroxide? It helps.

SJ said...

I did try to gargle with hot water and salt. That works a little. I'll try the peroxide. Thanks, babe.