Just need to vent here

I have this roommate situation I didn't really anticipate. I'm a generally clean person, not perfect, but I do tend to like the living area to be nice. Now there's one roommate in the house that sort of gets on my nerves, mostly because of the whirlwind she tends to leave behind whenever she's in a room. Don't know how it happens but everything is always everywhere, and especially in kitchen. Other roommates tell me she's actually never done her own dishes. So I noticed I was doing many more dishes than my own, many more times than I should and thought I should maybe nicely ask her to do her dishes one time when she had piled them all in both the sinks so that nobody could use the sink. Well, it turns out me asking her to do this made her a bit really mad. She did them, but in a huff. So I made the mistake of asking her if she needed to talk about what was bothering her and that's when things got ugly. She yelled at me and told me I was disrupting her life. Okay...I repeated back to her what she had said, hoping she'd realize what she said was ridiculous. Nope, no luck. So then I explained that everyone tends to do her dishes and clean up after her and that as a 25 year old she should maybe do her own dishes and not have other people do them. That really didn't work. She told me that everyone was fine with everything before I came and that she's sick of me judging her. Well, I was judging her, it's true. She's a total mess, and her boyfriend, I don't think he's really a great guy, either, he won't hold her hand in public, but wants to spend the night. He's a real swell guy. And he likes to be here and be a mess, too. But well, he also yelled at me. That happened after she stormed off after yelling at me that I'm not her mom and I went up to her room and told her once again (but in more overt terms this time) how rude it is to leave messes around for everyone else to pick up and that I wasn't her mom, I was her roommate. Then her boyfriend told me, yelled at me, to "get the freak out of here and leave her alone because she's had a bad day". Apparently that excuses bad behavior. So, he yelled at me in my own home after I asked his girlfriend to do something she should already know she should do and should've felt dumb for not doing. What a guy. So now I'm in this awkward situation with her (oh ya, and she has a friend staying here she did not even tell anyone was coming and she's staying who knows how long).

The logical thing at this point is to talk to the other roommates about the situation. Funny thing is they seem to think it's totally okay for them to clean up after her and deal with her idiot boyfriend and her tantrums. They did say it bothered them but that they just didn't want to do anything about it. So they won't. This is a long rant basically to say my roommates are crazy and I have a funny feeling it's time to move.


Steve said…
Hmmm, I had roommates like that in college. I went through the same conversation you did more than once. In the end, there is nothing you can do. If you ask or tell them to do something, you look like the bad guy, and if you do their dirty work, you stay pi$$ed all the time.

Boy, now I remember why I haven't had roommates since college, haha.

You could just personally refuse to clean up her messes, instead let the other roommates deal with it and just focus on your own "needs", as hard as that is to do sometimes.

I used to take my roommate's dishes, especially when they filled up the WHOLE sink up to the faucet!!!, and set them off to the side so I could wash my dishes. Eventually they got around to cleaning them, but it took forever.

Good luck!!!
Scully said…
Don't do her dishes. Just don't. Let them sit there. Only do your own. It might make the kitchen look like crap for a while, but if you aren't her mom, you don't have to clean up after her. Convince the other girls not to do her dishes either. Secondly, go over your lease. There is probably something about guests and the conditions under which they are allowed to stay. Highlight it, contact your landlord, suggest that if the guest is long-term, she start contributing to the apartment. Also, form a united front with the roommates. If you all are on board and all tell her her behavior is unacceptable, it will mean you aren't the bad guy. Because this is your home too. And if you need to escape for a while, let me know. You are totally welcome at my place.
Abby said…
Sounds like you live with passive aggressive people. I once had a roommate that refused to pay her share of the bills. We would cover for her so we didn't have our utilities turned off until one of my roommates had an idea. We would not pay her share. The bills luckily were in her name so her credit would be the one being destroyed. When she noticed that her bills weren't being paid she finally started paying her bills regularly. Essentially, I agree with Steve's advice.

I hate to know what the boyfriend would be like if he had to live with her mess. I don't think he'd be so quick to defend her.

This roommate situation doesn't look very idea for a strong woman like yourself. Have you thought of having your own place for awhile?
SJ said…
I have thought of that, Abs, but I really am a people person and like coming home to people, I just would prefer those people to be respectful of the other people that live there. I've basically decided I just don't want to deal with this situation. I don't want to spend energy trying to change someone who obviously has a problem with caring about how I feel, and I am pretty sure I could find a nicer place. The other roommates also seem fine with all the chaos so I realize I need a place where people are a little cleaner and more mature...and maybe don't blow up like 8 year olds
Scully said…
Not to sound all intrusive and stalkery, but I have noticed the closer you live to downtown SLC, the older (and more mature) the people/wards get. There is a complex in my ward where half the ward lives called Hawthorne Court. It is near Trolley Square. Anyway, it is a happening place and I, the One Who Dislikes All Singles Wards, actually likes this one. Which says a lot for the maturity level of the ward. I'm sure there are lots of places like that available. And I think bowing out is probably the best idea.

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