Friday, April 14, 2006

Last night I was jogging on the Provo River Trail. It's the first time I was ever on it (that thing goes forever and is actually a really great place to run). At the end of my run I saw a guy coming toward me that looked like my ex-boyfriend from three years ago. We had one of those horrid break-up and get back together three times before the real break up relationships. He's married now. I wasn't even really invited to the wedding - unless you count an email he sent me the week before saying I could come if I wanted and that he hoped I wasn't tragically sad he was getting married (I was way over him at this point, it'd been a year and I was living on the other side of the country). And there I was on the trail, red faced, hair in disarray, sweaty, and in a tight running outfit I maybe should not have worn. Well, he came closer and then totally ignored me. I thought "the nerve" so I called out his name. He just kept walking. Could it be he doesn't recognize me? Is it maybe not him? I knew he didn't have a twin. No, it was him. But what was he doing in Provo, on my running trail, and ignoring me? I called his name again, but he just kept on walking. I felt so, just, ugh! And I realized how unresolved things for me and him really were. He couldn't even say "hi". I know it's crazy, but I went back to my car and drove around the block to see if I could see him walking again, just so he would see me driving by and ignoring him. But he was gone. The funny thing about this is that I was walking around BYU campus last fall and could have sworn I "felt" him. I felt like he was watching me and I couldn't shake it. Last I heard he was in Salt Lake and getting ready to go to Dental school in Pennsylvania. As far as I knew he was nowhere near Provo. But I definitely felt him. I was actually afraid to look around in case I saw him (this may explain why he ignored me yesterday). But it's just so weird to even think about him. I don't even like him anymore and am not even sure why I ever did. But there he was. And there I was. And he's married.

2 comments:

Scully said...

I think it is because there is no such thing as closure. Especially when the situation involves a boy who messed with your head. You are always going to be feeling you need to prove something to yourself, or to him, or to the situation. Especially when you feel like you don't have the upperhand in the post-relationship relationship.

Esperanza said...

Run a 10k with me and michelle on the provo river trail...and he obviously has a little reaction to you still if he totally ignored you. Overcompensating is usually a dead give away!