My brain hurts. I've been delving heavily into LDS perspectives on the environment for a show we're doing (did I mention we finally got approval and go live in July? This is a mixed blessing. Good for us, but well, not sure how this is going to play out at BYU). This show on environmental stewardship in the faith is a pre-record for when our host is on vacation (though it'd be cool if they let me host the show once in a while).
I've been sitting here and reading so much today-you know when you read just so much your eyes hurt and your head hurts and you just need to get up and walk around or take a break? I just took a break over to the bookstore to pick up some books for my research. I just have that itch to know and don't want to leave anything out. The host may not even care so I don't know what drives it, it's just there and I have to do it. I've heard other people talk about this before and I always think they just say that to look good, but then I find I do it and I can't stop myself either. It's like some form of massochism, knowing you'll never know enough, but never stopping yourself when you really may have what's good enough material already. Really, it's a great form of self-inflicted punishment. It's also snowing, well, make that hailing outside. It's cold and damp, and quite unpleasant if you ask me. But who knows, some of you may see the bright side. There's always someone who does...and mostly you annoy me. Well, only when I'm hating the weather or something that's getting under my skin and then you come along and chide me for hating and tell me how wrong I am and how wonderful the whole world is and everything is fluffy and sparkly...blah, blah. Well, today is cold and I do not like it cold, or hailing.
I was thinking the other day how much I've adjusted to being here. I've almost been here a whole year (one month to go). When I first arrived I remember being annoyed at all the nice strange people who would smile and wave even though we didn't know one another. I thought it a pain because it seemed so fake to be saying hello to someone you aren't friends with and will probably never see again and besides that it slowed me down and I didn't want to put on a fake happy face and slow down just so they didn't feel bad. So I averted my eyes and ignored them. But I was running the other day and caught my very own self smiling and waving at passersby and smiling inside at the people who averted their eyes and didn't wave back at me (not the majority, but there were some). I thought how ridiculous they were and what sad lives they had to be afraid of being friendly.
I'm not a "runner" really, though I do occassionally run for fun. It gives me a kind of high. I discovered this trail in the Provo canyon and it is the most gorgeous thing and made me so glad to be near the rockies. It has a thin rushing river and plenty of wooded area and the scenery is to die for with layers of limestone all stacked on one another and jutting cliffs that look like old decrepid castles. Magnificent! How could I not run there? But not today. Today is grey and cold and hailing and I long for last week when it was in the 70's.
Utah April's are schizophrenic. I had to bring in all my plants last night just because I was afraid the snow would kill them. The first of my daffodils has finally bloomed and I think I'm in love.
Speaking of love everyone at work is in love. It's sweet, sort of. Everyone here is so young. This can be both good and bad. I'm kind of a young soul myself, but the problem is most of the kids at work see me as their peer, not their super. That's good when you want to have good repoire, not so good when you try to tell them something they need to do for you. One kid in particular (he's 19) keeps confusing me with the other students (I'm not, I've got almost two degrees now). But that means he doesn't take me seriously when I say I'm writing my newscast and really can't talk. He laughs and asks if I'm a giggly girl. Help me before I get violent! It's nice that they think of me as young, though, I guess. Except I'm a good six years older than most of them. And they're all in love with people and that is so cute, but there's no one here my age...like this dance I went to last weekend and it was actually really fun and this cute guy in a sweet polyester shirt asked me to dance and then he told me he graduated in 2003...from highschool. And then I actually felt like some craddle-robber.
Okay, there are people here my age...in my ward, but not anyone I want to date...how did this turn into my dating life? I already try to avoid this subject as much as possible. Anyway, this is a really random post so I'm going to go back to my research...this show may actually be pretty cool and I'm warming up to the idea of juggling both the morning news cast and producing a show, but I think I'll need more than one production assistant. The one relationship I have right now is with my job. It's a love-hate thing. Somedays I am so done-like when my 60-something-year-old male boss told me to talk to the girls about not speaking about tampons in the workplace (a girl had briefly mentioned them and it had offended someone). There I was alone with my boss in his office and he's very serious and I could have died from laughter because I couldn't believe we were actually having this awkward conversation... and other days I think I can make it and it seems to be going really well and we might actually have a cool show and my voice and my lips are doing exactly what I tell them to do on the air. Those are good days. A year ago I had no idea what I was doing, I just knew where I wanted to end up. I still don't really know, but it's coming together and I seem to at least be getting an idea.