I have come to an inspirational idea. I want a lackey to leverage my fame. Kinda like the lackeys of that Hermen's Hermits guy, Peter Noone. Yes, someone to constantly follow me around and tell people all the great stuff I'm doing, except spin it in a way that really does sound like I'm doing lots of really cool stuff.
Lackey for Hire:
1. Must believe universe revolves around me and that I am the only one doing anything so obviously cool.
2. Must understand the importance of following me around at all times and telling everyone within ear-shot all the so obviously cool things.
3. Must possess penchant for spinning big yarns, telling little white lies, never admitting fault, glossing over any mistakes, switching subjects when asked probing questions, and making everything I do seem like I actually meant to do it that way. Would prefer experience in the Bush Administration, though not required.
4. Must do this for an unexplainable reason (as there will be no monetary rewards). But then, this is DC. This town runs on slave labor. Maybe I will call you my "intern". No, wait, lackey sounds better.
Please send Resume and Cover Letter to firstname.lastname@example.org